Surviving In This Very Moment…

My Personal Battle with Prostate Cancer … And Life!

Archive for the tag “Martin Heidegger”

Always Already Being In The Material World

Always Already Being In The Material World

Always Already Being In The Material World

To borrow a phrase from Martin Heidegger without necessarily committing to its meaning, being-in-the-world adequately represents the notion of the existential moment. If I could phrase it differently than Heidegger I would strip it of its ontological references while incorporating the notion of representing an illusory phantom of the trace of memory and a projection into the future. In Levinas’ terms, this is represented better by the notion of hypostasis, the question of the infinitely brief moment of existential time while merging the idea of the trace remembered and the future desired, both of which are measured by ever fading memory or ever more fantastic dreamt of futures. In brief, existential time is a simulacrum of the conjoining of past/future, while cleverly disguising both within a true sense of security of past events and a desired sense of future certainty. Nothing, however, exists outside of this very moment of existential time; all the rest is merely a ghost or a projection on a screen of hope; something like Plato’s images on the cave wall without the reference to forms.

Going beyond the ontic nature of Heidegger’s being-in-the-world, Levinas focuses on the idea that hypostasis focuses on the interiority of solitude in which one experiences existential time; the trace of memory and those projections for the future are clearly personal, not able to be shared with any other human being. If left to its own resources, Heidegger insists, the self would be so consumed with its own interiority that it could not relate to the exterior world other than to evaluate the entirety of that world as objects of the self with being incorporated in the objective relationship with the objects, including the human objects, in the world. Levinas is critical of this position arguing that one can only understand being by and through the social interaction with the other, by responding to the call of the other without reservation or expectation of reciprocation; to make oneself present in the world in order to be responsible for the welfare of the other without reservation or expectation of reciprocation. In this sense, being-in-the-world turns Heidegger on his head by proclaiming that ethics trumps ontology; that response-ability, the ability to respond to the call of the other from wherever it originates is a fundamental obligation of the ethical human being, denying the interiority of the self as more important than the self existing as a social being evidenced by its commitment to the exteriority of the world one encounters in this very moment of existential time.

I exist in this world in order to be of service to the other, to extend my hand whenever and wherever I hear the call of the other asking for help. Must I answer each and every call from the other? No, but I must answer the calls for which I am best equipped. For me, as a personal being existing in the world, I have two major callings. I will answer the call of anyone with a desire to stop drinking by extending my hand and offering the support I can and must offer. I do this because I am a recovering alcoholic with over two decades of not drinking. Recently, because of my diagnosis of prostate cancer I announced my presense to any and all who have the same or similar diagnosis; I will answer the call of anyone with prostate cancer by extending my hand and sharing my experience, strength and hope. The choice of these two ‘causes’ does not preclude my being responsible in other situations; it simply means that I have chosen to priortize my personal sense of responsibility in these two arenas at this very moment. It seems that I recognize my existence within the bounds of the spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous and the community of men diagnosed with prostate cancer as well as those men who desire to end prostate cancer as the second leading killer of men in the United States.

 

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Being In The World

Surviving In This Very Moment

Being in the World

To borrow a phrase from Martin Heidegger without necessarily committing to its meaning, being-in-the-world adequately represents the notion of the existential moment. If I could phrase it differently than Heidegger I would strip it of its ontological references while incorporating the notion of representing an illusory phantom of the trace of memory and a projection into the future. In Levinas’ terms, this is represented better by the notion of hypostasis, the question of the infinitely brief moment of existential time while merging the idea of the trace remembered and the future desired, both of which are measured by ever fading memory or ever more fantastic dreamt of futures. In brief, existential time is a simulacrum of the merger of past/future, while cleverly disguising both within a true sense of security of past events and future certainty. Nothing, however, exists outside of this very moment of existential time; all the rest is merely a ghost or a projection on a screen of hope.

Going beyond the ontic nature of Heidegger’s being-in-the-world, Levinas focuses on the idea that hypostasis focuses on the interiority of solitude in which one experiences existential time; the trace of memory and those projections for the future are clearly personal, not able to be shared with any other human being. If left to its own resources, Heidegger insists, the self would be so consumed with its own interiority that it could not relate to the exterior world other than to evaluate the entirety of that world as objects of the self with being incorporated in the objective relationship with the objects, including the human objects, in the world. Levinas is critical of this position arguing that one can only understand being by and through the social interaction with the other, by responding to the call of the other without reservation or expectation of reciprocation; to make oneself present in the world in order to be responsible for the welfare of the other without reservation or expectation of reciprocation. In this sense, being-in-the-world turns Heidegger on his head by proclaiming that ethics trumps ontology; that response-ability, the ability to respond to the call of the other from wherever it originates is a fundamental obligation of the ethical human being, denying the interiority of the self as more important than the self existing as a social being evidenced by its commitment to the exteriority of the world one encounters in this very moment of existential time.

I exist in this world in order to be of service to the other, to extend my hand whenever and wherever I hear the call of the other asking for help. Must I answer each and every call from the other? No, but I must answer the calls for which I am best equipped. For me, as a personal being existing in the world, I have two major callings. I will answer the call of anyone with a desire to stop drinking by extending my hand and offering the support I can and must offer. I do this because I am a recovering alcoholic with over two decades of not drinking. Recently, because of my diagnosis of prostate cancer I announced my presense to any and all who have the same or similar diagnosis; I will answer the call of anyone with prostate cancer by extending my hand and sharing my experience, strength and hope. The choice of these two ‘causes’ does not preclude my being responsible in other situations; it simply means that I have chosen to priortize my personal sense of responsibility in these two arenas at this very moment. It seems that I recognize my existence within the bounds of the spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous and the community of men diagnosed with prostate cancer as well as those men who desire to end prostate cancer as the second leading killer of men in the United States.

As we come full swing into this holiday season and the arbitrary turn of the calendar to a new year, I place my hopes in the possibility that sanity may be restored to this world in which we live and wish everyone a very happy holiday and a most happy new year.

Traces of This Very Moment

Shadow Rays (b&w)

Shadow Rays (b&w) (Photo credit: spodzone)

About a week has past since I took off my watch (I’ve lost track of time) in order to remind myself to spend more time focusing on this very moment of living; for showing up for life. For the first two days I found myself taking a peek at my bare left wrist; habits, it seems, are hard to break. Over the following few days, however, the frequency of sneaking a peek at my wrist diminished until yesterday when I noticed at the end of the day that I wasn’t looking at all. The simple idea that removing one ubiquitous reminder of linear time could remove the desire to actually know what time it is could actually happen quickly astonishes me.

Most of my life, especially since I entered kindergarten, was neatly tied to the clock. I had to get up and out of bed at a time certain in order to do all the things one does in order to arrive at school on time. The school day ran on a schedule with weird bell times; in high school class periods ran for 43 minutes, add 5 minutes for passing time and do that nine times each and every day…well you get my point. Because I was in school for a total of 27 or 28 years (from kindergarten through graduate school and a terminal degree (Ed.D.)) and because I spent the vast majority of my working life as a teacher and then as a professor, everything was driven by a calendar and a clock; sometimes it felt like a train schedule. One of my academic interests turned on the ethical meaning of time; how time itself is elusive, a simulacrum of the real yet without substance or space to give it form. Inspired by postmodern thinkers like Levinas, Derrida, Foucault and Heidegger, the theoretical question of time was something I pondered.

In retirement I learned a great deal about time and life; I could not help but put theory into practice. One of the things I retired to was, or more precisely, is making photographic images. The very act of making a photograph is the closest approximation to this very moment as one can ever come. A photographic image is most often captured in fractions of seconds freezing a particular moment in linear time that can never be captured again. A photographic image is, in effect, a simulacrum of the infinitely brief moment of the here and now. As I made images I began to think about how the photograph is, in fact, an historical artifact of the very moment the image was made.

Capturing a frozen moment in time is, at some level, a reduction of time and space into a single tangible trace of that which once was but is no more. The photographic image has the ability to squeeze four dimensions into two by stopping the moment and then flattening the image into a two dimensional plane, one which is not permitted to ever expand to its original magesty; a singular reminder of an unrepeatable moment. The image is a preserved, two-dimensional approximation of the very moment of capture; one that can not only be experienced by another but can act as a bridge to memory, to traces of experience remembered by a viewer of an image. The image itself is an artifact, a trace of that moment that always already happened.

So what does this have to do with me and my cancer? Only this…As I think about releasing myself from the trappings of linear time, time governed by calendars and clocks, I begin to immerse myself in the stream of moments strung together as if pearls snatched from the insides of an oyster are strung to decorate a neck. There is a string of moments that decorate my life, a life that I barely remember except as a string of traces, of memories, some vivid, others hidden away only to sneak up from time to time to remind me of imperfections. The traces of my memories are but whisps of the always already past moment, the moment of my personal exposure to the universe in which I reside.

Through a conscious act of releasing myself from the physical trappings of time, a discarding of the watch on my wrist, I am brought closer to the proximity of this very moment, the always already past moment of existence. Additionally, without the necessity of worrying about some possible future, my concentration on the now leaves me open to encounter the other, to be of service through proximity with the other. With proximity comes a terrible responsibility (not terrible in a negative sense, rather in a respectful yet difficult undertaking), the responsibility for the other. Ethical obligations force me to turn outward, to approach the other without reservations and without expectations for reciprocity, to be of service. Proximity is external to the self leaving little room for self-pity or focusing toward the interiority of the self.

Living in the proximate moment relieves one of the necessity to obsess about the future. It is enough to proceed forward in time while leaving traces of oneself behind. It is that ethical life I choose to live; looking outward rather than isolating inwardly. Being of service for others is the absolute key to living an ethical life. I learned this long ago from a dear friend, Lenny Stark; it is a fresh today as it was when I first learned this gem. It is that ethical obligation that carries me through these difficult times.

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