Today I have my post-surgical check and I say goodbye to my urologist (he is moving on and will hook me up with one of his partners) but the day is bittersweet. I have so many questions about this recovery and the two side effects that leave me helpless and I will have to break in a new urologist along the way. While my urologist will answer my questions he will not be the one to treat the issues; he will be gone, replaced by a doctor I don’t know who potentially will treat the issues and side effects that present themselves.
Trust is the issue here. Over the years I have built up a trust with my doctor that is hard to set aside. His advice has always been sound and it has always been provided with a smile and care. Unlike most surgeons, his first course of action is to treat medically leaving the knife as a last resort. He always took the time to explain the options, the pros and cons of each, make suggestions but he left the final decision to me. His demeanor always took on the posture of a caring physician first and a surgeon second. Not only that, I genuinely like him. So where does that leave me?
A new urologist, no matter how well trained or capable he might be, will present himself to me without the advantage of trust. He will have to build that trust a visit at a time. That is no easy task, especially after so good a relationship as I have with the present one.
My task in all this is to remain open. In this case I am the other calling to the new urologist to take charge, to be available, to care for my welfare without reservation (I cannot say without reciprocation because he is paid a handsome fee to care for me). It is funny how roles switch from self to other depending on circumstances. While my call is a call for care, a call that says I trust you, it is also a call of caution because, while I want to trust, I cannot until it is earned.
This day I confront the disquiet of change. What I do know is that life will go on because the crux of this very moment is change.
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- The Hoops We Jump Through (rogerpassman.wordpress.com)
- Going Home…I Think? (rogerpassman.wordpress.com)